Divorce Sucks
Dear Younger Me,
You know. I got married 12 years ago at the ripe old age of 19 with the intention of being married forever. Never once did I stray from this thought. I was willing to forgive, move forward, work things out. Soon to be ex-husband was in college and I’d do anything to help him out, you name it. Why some people would ask? Because he is (was) my husband. His success is also mine, etc. He was trying to not just better himself, but our family. So I thought.
I realize now that I compromised way too much of myself for a man. A man who I thought would love me till the end of time. I was unselfish and put him and my children first, above everyone and everything else including myself. And for what? To argue about who gets what car and that he thinks I want too much child support and visitation and holidays. Motherfucker, those are my kids! You worked, you went to school, yes, but you also did whatever you wanted in your free time. Fuck you. You want the kids more just so you can drop them off at your lameass mom’s house. How many times do kids need McDonald’s in a 48 hour period? Am I crazy to think 3 times is too many?
I know I’m rambling. But shit, I’m tired. I’m tired of sending screaming children off with him. I’m tired of living in this ghettoass apartment and then you tell me your selling our damn house. I’m tired of not getting laid, knowing you’re probably fucking every damn chick that walks by. I’m tired of being the only one who sets rules, follows through, gives healthy meals and enforced bedtime. I’m tired of having to explain shit to the kids, detangling the lies you and your lameass family tell them, and dealing with the nightmare of crankiness from confusion and lack of sleep I get every time they come home to me.
You’re lame. I’ve given you way too much credit over the years. I’m more a man than you are and way more woman than you deserve. I’ll be happier without you. And I’ll laugh as you get fatter and lose more hair, and laugh when those college bitches you’re hooking up with realize a 35 year old divorced man who pays an assload of child support and really doesn’t have shit to offer isn’t that glamorous. I’ll really laugh when you realize that men do still want me, and that they’re better than you are. You’ll realize that you made a mistake, but trust me, it’s way too late for all that. You’ve said and done way too much to take that back now. I just wish you realized what you had before you threw it away.
I don’t expect that anyone read that. But damn, I really had to get it out. I’m alone here and that sucks. I talk to my mom but she doesn’t even know what to say to me. Divorce sucks.
A
